What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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