The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
