we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
