Only a mothe r could love this liver
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
