I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
A+ Viking dick
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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