My liver just broke up with me...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
