If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
