turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
