I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
