it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
