Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
