I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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