did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
