I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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