I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
