1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
