Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
