I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
