There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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