Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
