I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
