so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
