Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
