the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
