I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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