giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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