Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
