Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
