True but thats because hes a fetus.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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