Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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