he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
