I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
