i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
