Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
