Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
