my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
