I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize