yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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