i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
