You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
