This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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