it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
