Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
please come you make the beer taste better
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
