he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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