Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
