dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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