I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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