I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
