The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
