I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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