There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
