I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize