Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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