Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
