dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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