just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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