sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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