He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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