I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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