Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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