I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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