Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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