Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
