if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
