I faked an abortion last night.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
