I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
