She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize