Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
His hands were made for my vagina.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
