I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
