its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize