I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
