dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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