Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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