Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
