My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize