How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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