I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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