thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
