You work out of a Hotel?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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