I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
